For those of you who read this blog and do not know me so well, here is a rare opportunity to get some vital information about my life. Yes, I do have a father. However, we are not close. In fact, we don't even speak at all. Unfortunately my biological father battles with diseases that control him. I had decided about five years ago that the down spiral I was being dragged into was not healthy for me and I needed an out. I needed a break and really needed to breathe. For years leading up to my adulthood the relationship I had with my father was so toxic. It affected everything in my life. From moods, to simple decisions, to boyfriends and even friendships. I craved dysfunction, I craved the battles and the bad moods. I fed into all negativity around me. Quite frankly, the negativity ruled my life. It led me to make poor decisions and find outlets for my anger and sadness in unhealthy manners. At one point everything had come to such a head between him and I that I truly tried to save our relationship. If there was anything left to save I literally put our father/daughter relationship on life support. I wrote him multiple letters, and had multiple conversations with him. I bared the naked truth. I offered him my help and my love. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do. Today, I know and understand that it is not my fault, he is who he is and some people just cannot be saved. I am okay with that. However, I am also blessed to have a male role model in my life who is a great dad to my little brother and a good man who takes care of my mother. Although, it has taken us all a long time to get to this point.
Not sure how many of you come from blended families but as you can imagine it is not easy. Being brought up with a father who didn't exactly know how to cater to my emotional needs and the blending of having a step father... well, it didn't go so well. There was tons of misunderstandings, and miscommunication. Times were tough for sure emotionally, and I was an angry soul. Not to mention with my smart ass ways and sassy mouth I know I aided to a tough environment. However, with all that said I am glad to say that today is very different. My present is so bright and this is the healthiest I have ever felt. I would be lying if I said I don't miss my father. Truth be told, even if he was in my life it would never be the relationship that I need nor would it be on my terms. So I leave the hassle in the past and move on to a wonderful future. Today, my step father and I have open lines of communication. We talk daily and fill one another in on our daily lives. We do not harbor anger, guilt or sadness. If for any reason we come across a small bump in the road we address the issue at hand and do not drag it on. Again, it has taken myself and him a very long time to get to this point. However, our house is now a HOME. I would not trade them or my situation for anything in this world. It has made me into the strong woman I am today.
For Father's Day we made dinner reservations at a quaint BYOB Italian restaurant. My little brother stuffed his cute baby face with bread and tons of butter (GAG!) however, it kept him occupied. We had some great fish and pasta dishes and of course wine. At the end of the day my favorite part of the entire dinner was just our normal down to earth EASY conversations and being able to just BE. For any of you who comes from real dysfunction you understand the art of being able to just BE and to appreciate the simple moments for what they are. It truly was wonderful.
Here are some pictures of our Father's Day Celebration...
Mom & Mike
My little brother Michael & I
He really is such a sweet angel!
A small collaboration of our family pictures
For those of you who come from blended families and are having a hard time getting on a straight and narrow path here are some pointers that I have found that worked well for my family and I. Again, it has taken us a very long time to get to this point.
- Let's face it... you need to hit rock bottom.
- Sit down and talk to one another. Communication is key!!
- When you lay things out on the table you find that people perceive many things differently than you do or how you think they do. It will most likely surprise you.
- Do things together as a family. Talk, find a favorite TV show, share a hobby. A family that hangs together, stays together.
- Try to help out your family members in small ways to show appreciation. Clean the dishes, make someone's bed, fold someone's laundry. The small deed goes such a long way with appreciation.
- Go seek help from a therapist. Many of times issues run extremely deep. It is always great to have a mediator from outside of the box to help clear smoke from the inside.
- Never be afraid to show and share your emotions. Emotions are not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength and being healthy.
I hope this post got to shed a little light about my upbringing and about the person I am today. Again for those of you who don't know me I hope you feel a bit closer to me. We all face many battles in life. Some big and many small. I just want everyone to realize that you only get one life to live here on earth. Please make the most of it. Don't apologize for who you are or who you want to be. If your unhappy with your life just know it is never to late to stop and make changes. Don't accept bad or disrespectful behavior from others. You are so special and so unique. Value, love and respect yourself. I promise you will attract the right people who will walk into your life, see your sparkle and stay in your life.
If you come from a blended family and have any other tips and experiences that everyone can relate to, please feel free to comment and share. I hope everyone's Father's Day was filled with so much love and many special moments!
XOXO,
-D
